avoidance.

okay, so i am supposed to be making lots of plans. but each time i start looking stuff up online, i get confused and i stop. i can't keep doing this! i have decisions to make, darn it!

in college, i had a friend who showed us her notebook of "ideas" that she kept as a teenager - wedding ideas and baby names, and house ideas. !!!! of course, we all mercilessly made fun of her, but now i wish i had been that girl. cutting out pictures in magazines, dreaming of the wedding i would have one day, making lists and pasting things into a notebook. because then i could have pulled that dusty old notebook out last week, clapped my hands together and declared it "Done!"

now i have to get busy - a lot of dreaming and imagining to be done in the next few months.

in any stressful situation, i normally adopt the attitude of "oh, it'll all work itself out in the end - for good or for bad." but i hesitate to do that with a wedding. i'd hate to show up to my own wedding, crying, and think "hey, this isn't what i wanted at all!"

or have a bunch of people fly in and wonder "um, where are the flowers? and wasn't there supposed to be some kind of dinner? and you know what, where's the bride?"

and i'll be the one hiding under the bed because i forgot something Major.